On New Year’s Eve I released an episode about ableism in the new age and spiritual community and my own struggles with mental illness and ableism.
Listen to it here – Episode 16: Goodbye, 2016! Hello, Understanding!
Afterwards I received tons of emails and messages of support, and since then a few people have asked for any updates… or really just how I’m doing. Since how I’m doing is having a slight effect on the blog and podcast this week, I figured I’d oblige.
I had planned to do a big episode all about Practical Magic (film and movie) to coincide with National Margarita Day, which is today! (whoo!) and I had also planned to have my WONDERFUL interview with Lilith Dorsey out on Valentine’s day, but on February 10th I was unexpectedly accepted into a local 3-week intensive out-patient program for mental illness and addiction, and I started on the 13th. S0 5 days a week, for 3 weeks, I’m at the transitional stability centre all day long learning about lifestyle changes and medications and treatment with counselors and therapists. The program will allow me to talk with a psychiatrist and get a real diagnosis free of charge to me, help me find a regular doctor, and even help me get treatment for my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.
I knew I was struggling before I released that episode on New Year’s, but after I listened to myself and hearing all of the pain in my own voice I pulled out a post it note and wrote “GET HELP FOR MENTAL ILLNESS” on it and stuck it on the wall above my computer. Every day I looked at it and read the messages from all of you wishing me the best and asking how I was doing and every day I would do a little more research into getting help or figuring out what exactly I could do to get better. It took weeks. I called a hundred numbers, sent no less than 10 emails and self diagnosed myself with everything from mild depression to full blown schizophrenia haha, but I finally found something.
It’s hard. I’m so tired. Unfortunately, my schedule has also changed drastically and some of my plans for the show have been pushed back. I’ll have the time to pick up my regular schedule again soon and then I PROMISE an amazing and magical episode all about our favourite witch flick of the 90s. I honestly can’t wait! In the mean time I’m doing a lot of reading between groups and classes so I’ll have more book reviews soon, and every day I feel more and more like practicing magick and being a badass witch again.
Thank you so much for being cool, all of you. Thank you to those of you who’ve sent messages or shared stories, or asked to be on the show – and then were very understanding when I asked you to wait a few weeks. My hope is that the next time I feel the need to share an update it won’t be because something is keeping me FROM The Fat Feminist Witch, but that my road to recovery can finally allow me to dedicate more time to it.
(and that I can still enjoy a midnight margarita!)