Help is on the way! In the tradition of Lemony Snicket and Roald Dahl, Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop shows how to banish those pesky dark Fairy creatures who are ready to thwart every last pleasure, be it gardening, country hikes, or even getting a good night’s sleep. In this charming guide, “fairy hunter” Reginald Bakeley offers practical instructions to clear your home and garden of these unsettling inhabitants, and banish them from your chicken coop and kitchen cupboard forever! In Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop readers will discover:
- Why a bustle in one’s hedgerow may be cause for alarm
- Why a garden fumigator may come in handy on evenings at the pub
- Why a toy merchant, a butcher, and a Freemason are among your best allies in the fight against the fey
Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop is the only complete manual on how to identify, track, defend, and destroy those bothersome brownies, goblins, dwarves, scheming flower-fairies, and other nasty members of the fairy realm. – Weiser Books
Of all the books I’ve reviewed and recommended, this one might be most important to your magickal practice!
We will no longer fall victim to the trickery, theft, and downright monstrous actions of the fairy kingdom! This book will teach you to arm yourself, how to spot fairies, how to use them for profit, and even how to cook and serve them at a chic dinner party. Quite frankly, you can’t afford NOT to read this book!
Whether or not you actually have a chicken coop is irrelevant, for by the end of the book you’ll be a british MacGyver of fairy hunting, capture, and execution.
As far as your magickal practice goes, this book will enrich your magickal and spiritual life a very important way.
First, just by reading this book you will be taking part in a powerful space and energy cleaning ritual. Energy clearing isn’t all smoke and crystals, it can also be done with sound. The uproarious belly laughs that will escape your contorted, tear-stained face will clear negativity from your home and your surrounding property! Be warned: enjoying this guide out of doors, within ear shot of your neighbours, may lead to you being referred to as the ‘Demented Demon of Dougall Street’ on your next trip to the market. This may not be something to read on the veranda with a lemonade.
Not only does laughter clear energy, but fun is absolutely VITAL to witchcraft. If you’re not having fun with magick, why do it?
I’m genuinely asking. Please send your responses to email@example.com and let me know why fun has NO PLACE in your magick.
Furthermore, as witches it is often our duty to protect those who cannot speak for themselves. Think of all the chickens who’s lives you will save by arming yourself, and your chickens, with the tools and information necessary to take back the countryside from these beasts! Really! Just think about it! I’ll bet you’ll be a hero! There’ll be a parade! Think of all of the chickens you may get to pet and hug and socialize with! I mean, my god, what are you waiting for!?