I am a total cheeseball with a love of puns and cliches. I love making jokes that are normally reserved for dads at awkward barbecues. Or like my mom whenever we drove by a graveyard –
Isn’t this a beautiful cemetery?
Yeah, mom, it’s really nice.
That’s why people are just d y i n g to get in there!!!!
😞
So when I decided to do an episode about laughter and joy ( Episode 51 – Laugh Riot!) I went in search of cheesy witch jokes! Unfortunately humour has changed in such a way that orally telling jokes with no visuals at all is not SUPER popular – especially not lame jokes. Most witch jokes I found were hilarious, but they were memes and that doesn’t totally translate on the podcast. FORTUNATELY there are other cheesball purists out there who were able to make up great witch jokes that had me in stitches, or even just inspire me in writing some of my own!
So here are the jokes that made it into the episode, and some I didn’t get time to share! Enjoy!
WHY SHOULDN’T A WITCH EVER RIDE THEIR BROOM WHILE ANGRY?
You don’t want to fly off the handle!
What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub?
A self-cleaning coven!
What happened to the baby witches who were caught brewing up a love potion in the broom closet?
They were hex-spelled!
Why do a witch and a cowboy make such a good couple?
They share a passion for fancy hats and wild rides!
Why does Voldemort prefer twitter to facebook?
Because he only wants followers, not friends.
Mildred comes in to see her broom-mate crying hysterically-
Oh my god Agatha what’s wrong?
I just got back from the doctor and she said I CAN’T HAVE KIDS.
Oh Agatha, said Mildred, I am SO sorry… but a food allergy doesn’t have to be the end of the world!
What do they call witch night at the comedy club?
A Brew-Ha-Ha!
What did the witch use to groom her familiar?
a CAT-acomb!
Why wasn’t the crystal healer happy?
They lost their APATITE
Why did the medium call an uber to get home from the seance?
She’d had too much BOOOOOOOOOs
What did the witch get for Valentine’s Day?
A charm bracelet!
Hows does a witch know what time it is?
They call the guardians of the watchtowers!
Why did the witch put mustard seeds in their morning smoothie?
Because they’re very eye-of-newt-tricious!
This one was written by me, and you can find out more about Eye of Newt in this post!
What’s Persephone’s guilty pleasure show?
Hannah Montana, because she also had the best of both worlds!
Do you have any great witchy jokes? Share them in the comments!
The Fat Feminist Witch Podcast 