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Today I talked about and made some new year’s resolutions to keep me focused on my new desire to be a totally unapologetic and self-loving fat lady. This was half inspired by the book DIETLAND by Sarai Walker, which was recommended to me by Bust magazine and which was the most influential book I read in 2015. This book is a wild ride from start to finish. It starts off with the story of Plum, who is over 300 lbs, slated for gastric bypass and absolutely hates being fat. The book follows her journey to self-acceptance, and also delves into to some super violent totally radical feminist “terrorism” that really reminded me of Fight Club. Fight Club for Fat Women! Fat Club! I loved it. One thing from the book really stuck with me, which is the idea of fat women holding onto this thin version of themselves and the life they can have once they achieve this body. Garbage. Garbage garbage. I’ve since started shoving this skinny Paige out of me, and mourning her loss. It’ll take me a while, but I got started.
Then I read a blog post by Crystal Bougon on Curvy Girl Lingerie in which she makes some fat new year’s resolutions in response to the hate she receives on her blog. I loved this idea! So I decided to make my own little mini list of new resolutions to work on while I’m shipping Skinny Paige out to sea.
1. Rockin’ the V.B.O.
Also called the FUPA (fat upper pussy area) or the GUNT (don’t make me explain that one), the Visible Belly Area is, historically speaking; the area women want to hide the most. Here is a wonderful description of the VBO according the FUCK YEAH VBO tumblr:
What is a VBO?
Visible Belly Outline; that protruding shape that pushes from under your clothes when they are a certain material or tightness. They come in different sizes and shapes: some are round, some are square, some are perky and some sag, some are smooth, some are lumpy. Let’s make our bellies visible instead of trying to hide them and show everyone how fabulous of an accessory a belly can be!
I wear tight clothes, and revealing clothes and clothes that show off all of my curves – and even I cannot show off my VBO. The dress above is going to serve as my challenge, this gorgeous, tight, emerald green velvet dress hugs all of my curves and almost shines a light on the belly rolls – and I’m finally going to wear it. ON NEW YEAR’S EVE, NO LESS.
2. Taking Up Space!
This is an issue faced by all women, no matter what the size, but affects fat women just a little more. The idea that women are supposed to be as small as possible and that men deserve to take up as much space as they feel they need is rooted in misoginy and so prevalent in our everyday lives. For fat women, who are often twice the size of the “average” woman, taking up that minimal amount of space is twice as hard. This year I am going to refuse to concede space. My challenge for this resolution will take place on a plan. Despite the fact that airplane seatbelts haven’t fit me in years, I’ve never asked for an extender and instead have just pretended I’m buckled in. That’s right, I’d rather risk my life than admit how fat I am – and that is NOT ok! I’m going to be unashamed of my size and my love of traveling!
Finding a good general practitioner as a fat woman is incredibly difficult. It’s common for doctors to dismiss the concerns of fat people and ignore symptoms, instead option to just prescribe weight loss or even “less pasta” (as a real doctor legitimately told me once). This is trash. This is especially bad because I was born with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a very serious inherited condition that could literally kill me, and yet trying to talk to doctors about chronic pain always leads to conversations about weight. I’m not saying weight can’t be part of the diagnosis, but I’ve been full on ignored and have had to beg for diagnostic tests for many problems that were not weight related. Because of this I’ve gotten kind of scared and have stopped looking for or even going to the doctor. That’s not good. I need to find a nice, compassionate doctor!
4. All Fatties are Good Fatties!
There is a phenomenon amongst fat people called “good fatties”* – these are people who brag about how healthy they are, and how much diabetes they don’t have and how much they exercise. They constantly reinforce that they may be fat, but they’re the GOOD kind of fat! They’re not like those other icky fat people who ruin their lives! I am ashamed to say that I have been this person. I don’t even believe that I’m better than anyone, I really don’t, those things I said never had anything to do with thinking anyone else was inferior – I was just trying to make excuses for myself. I wasn’t happy, and this was part of trying to soften the blow of dealing with how much I hated myself. I am truly ashamed of being like this in the past and I am not going to do this again. From now on when someone expresses “concern” over my weight and health I was tell them to Eat Shit! and that it’s none of their business. Because they can and it isn’t.
So those are my Fat Resolutions for 2016. Do you have any? Tell me all about them!
*For more on the “good fatty” phenomenon, I suggest this amazingly illustrated article by Stacey Bias.